Acceptable Losses
by Metaphysica
Summary: Everything about the situation was wrong. There was no up side, no silver lining, no lemonade—hell, there weren’t even any lemons. AU, Daniel/OC, Season 3, Moderate violence and language.
1. Part 1

**Author Note:** I had a strange dream with flashes of some of the things that are written here. This story is built up around those images and is extremely AU. There is a fifth member of SG-1, and the story takes place around season 3. It's told through some flashbacks which are all clearly marked in italics. Thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer:** I have nothing to do with Stargate. Please don't sue me

Everything about the situation was wrong. There was no up side, no silver lining, no lemonade—hell, there weren't even any lemons. He tried as hard as he could to imagine a sequence of events that would have provided a more favorable outcome, but either there weren't any or his brain and his heart were too beaten up to make heads or tails of a reality too painful to acknowledge. Try as he might, Daniel Jackson could not shut his eyes against what lie ahead because if he even blinked for a moment, there would never be light again.

He thought maybe if he started at the beginning of where it all went wrong he might be able to make sense of something, but going back that far hurt almost as much as living in the present. He had been happy then. _Happy._ The word felt like a sore on the inside of his cheek that he couldn't stop biting. There had been solace on a planet fewer than 100 people on Earth knew about; there had been limitless discovery, though no one to share it with. And Sha're. Sha're was there, always there to love him. He knew she admired him greatly, and sometimes it bothered him. Sometimes it felt like worship, and he didn't want that, not from her, not from anyone. Daniel sighed and rubbed his temples. Why did happy memories hurt more than sad ones? He smiled momentarily when he thought about what _she_ would say. Not Sha're. Sha're wouldn't know what he meant. A pale face flitted to life in his mind before disappearing, and he simultaneously flushed and wretched. "Allie," he said, softly. The syllables made him feel better; the pressure of his tongue against his teeth to form the _l_ sound reminded him he was alive.

"Shit," he said, and then repeated in a yell. He loved her. He didn't know when it happened, but it had, and it mystified him. How had she done it? Finding a way into his heart could not have been easy, not after the seemingly endless chain of destruction that helped him build a wall to protect against invading forces. She had an arsenal all her own, though. She had a smile like a supernova, and those eyes, had Plato ever seen them, would have been the basis for the theory of Forms. No earthly rock could begin to describe the truth of what is an emerald like those eyes. He smiled; she would have hated that description. She never had any time for pretense, but she always had time for him. He smiled. 'Yeah,' he thought, 'I love her.'

He wondered if he had loved her right away and only realized it now because she was letting him, because she knew he needed to love again, or if it had been a gradual change from mild attraction to full on love. She would never have presumed to fill the void that Sha're's possession had left, and he didn't want that anyway. Sha're's place was always going to be hers; it couldn't be taken by any means. Allie was cleverer than that. She knew it was better to make her own place than to take over Sha're's because if by some chance Sha're ever came back to claim that spot, Allie might end up with nowhere to go. Her pale face crossed his memory again and he sighed heavily. "I'll fix this, Allie," he whispered, "I'll fix this, I promise." He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose between a tired thumb and forefinger. He'd promised a lot of things, and much to his displeasure, they kept not coming true.

* * *

_Earlier._

The mission to P7-979 was mostly routine, but there was an added element of danger as a result of what looked like evidence of a recent scuffle near the stargate, a scuffle that bore the mark of the Goa'uld. Five travelers hopped out of the wormhole and into the clearness of a new world. The immediate landscape was lightly covered in small hills with a thick wooded area to the left an open field that probably dipped into a valley on the right. A massive gas giant hung heavily in the dim sky, only outshined by the sun. The first of the intrepid party to make his way down the steps from the gate was their leader, Jack O'Neill. He flipped his sunglasses up briefly and turned to his companions. "Alright, campers, let's stay tight. The MALP saw recent Goa'uld activity, and I'm not in the mood to entertain the company of snakeheads. Okie dokie?"

Sam Carter grinned and adjusted her P90, "Yes, Colonel." She scanned the horizon and nearby tree line for any sign of activity, but saw nothing. The event horizon fizzed out behind her and she walked over to Teal'c, who seemed lost in thought. "What's up, Teal'c?"

"Major Carter, there are indeed recent Jaffa footprints. We must be on our guard."

"We're always on our guard, T," Jack said, but he seemed to fidget more after his Jaffa companion spoke. He eyed the rest of his team—all two of them—unrelentingly as they seemed to disregard the need for extra caution and chatted happily about what looked like some whatchacallit from some whatsitsname cutlture and some wheneverithappened time period. He bit back four or five insults before finally snapping, "Daniel! Allie! _Hey!_ What did I say?" He sighed as they exchanged amused glances and shared a private joke he would probably never understand. Carter might. Allie smiled apologetically and kindly repeated what he had told them to do, but Daniel only grinned and went back to his lecture about whateveritsnamewas. They stayed a little closer to the rest of the group, though, and he saw both of them cast furtive glances along the scenery once in a while. They would be the death of him. 'If they aren't the death of themselves, first,' he thought.

The relative peace of their first twenty minutes passed slowly as they examined the immediate area around the gate and the scattered ruins there. Carter took photos and soil samples, and Daniel made rubbings of some writings while Allie recorded a video of his actions and the landscape. Jack and Teal'c stood by, warily scanning the horizon over and over. Something smelled bad about the place, but no one knew what it was. Carter said something funny, and though he didn't hear it, Jack could tell from Daniel and Allie's reactions that it was a good one. He smiled inwardly, and he might have relaxed in that moment if the calming sound of his three scientists' laughter hadn't been drowned out by the angry scream of Jaffa gliders. "Son of a _bitch!_" he shouted, and the team immediately sought cover.

In the space of a few minutes, at least a dozen gliders soared overhead while SG-1 tried to make a stand in the ruins at the gate. There wasn't enough cover for anyone to try dialing home, not yet. They fired hundreds of bullets, and though Teal'c was able to disable several gliders with his staff weapon, they were clearly losing the battle. It wasn't until the familiar appearance of several glowing rings shot down from the sky and stacked on top of one another that things really went bad, though. Just before that, Daniel had finally been able to reach the DHD and started to dial home, and it looked like they just might escape in one piece, if in need of a little mending, but something more powerful than fear of glider cannon burns gripped Daniel as he pressed the seventh symbol.

Standing in a circle of huge Jaffa stood a Goa'uld known intimately to SG-1, and not because she had often battled them. Amonet was the Goa'uld charged with the kidnapping and subjugation of Daniel's wife, and she smiled passively at the man she recognized to be him. The flicker of her eyes was not frightening, but it did remind him not to be elated upon the sight of his wife. It reminded him that he wanted to throw up, and he would have had not more horrifying events followed in that very second.

Somehow, though no one on SG-1 could really explain it, they had instantly been pushed further toward the active stargate. Jack only counted four of his people including himself, and his mind buzzed with the implications of that until he heard a piercing scream to his left and turned to see flashes of green, pale pinky white, and red flailing between two Jaffa. They had Allie, and they had her good. Both arms were bound easily in the fist of one Jaffa while another held her legs, and all the squirming in the world would not have been enough for someone of her small stature—even his own stature—to escape. Somehow worse than the image of one of his team kicking, biting, and fighting for her freedom was the sound of another screaming for her. Jack barely managed to grab onto Daniel's wrist tight enough to haul him to the ground before the archaeologist did something stupid. "Jack!" screamed Daniel, eyes wild. 'Uh oh,' Jack thought, 'I know that look.' "Jack, you son of a bitch, let me _go!_"

"I can't do that, Daniel," he said, tearing his eyes from his best friend to stare instead at his best friend's wife. She had used her hand device to subdue Allie, and the Jaffa were still firing, but retreating to their goddess to reform the circle, one of them held the small form of Allie in his arms. A bruise had already formed on her forehead, and a small stream of blood leaked freely out of the corner of her mouth. She looked like a broken doll.

Amonet's voice boomed in that sick, unnatural tone shared by all Goa'ulds as she spoke to them. "We will see each other again very soon," she teased. Daniel shook visibly as he watched the woman he loved take away the woman he—well, Jack didn't quite know what was going on there, but it didn't matter. "Return here in three days," she said as the rings descended again, "any sooner, and I will kill her." Daniel finally tore away from Jack and headed straight for the rings, screaming what sounded like Allie's name and a few pleas, but he was too late. They were gone.

The gliders shot a few more times, but they, too, retreated and left four fifths of SG-1 staring hopelessly into the sky with an active wormhole shining behind them. "Son of a bitch," mumbled Jack as they finally transmitted their iris code and stepped back toward Earth.

* * *

_He remembered the day they'd met. She'd walked right by him; he didn't know who she was, but he knew he needed to. She was small, more than a head shorter than himself, and lithe; her hair fell in long ringlets down her back and bounced as she walked excitedly to the window that revealed the stargate. Her eyes passed over every inch of the room and finally found him; he was mesmerized. "Hello," she'd said. She held out a small white hand and it was all he could do not to feel immediate withdrawal when he had to release it. While they spoke, he thought of reasons he could touch her again without being a pervert. He knew right away she was a civilian; Air Force women weren't allowed to have hair like that, and she lacked the perfect squareness in her stance. He knew he'd looked like a fool as she spoke to him. His eyes glazed over as she introduced herself and it was all he could do to not to stare helplessly into her eyes. Dr. Alison Rains, she'd said. From England. Some kind of PhD, but he'd already forgotten what kind. God, she was beautiful. "You may call me Allie," she'd said. He'd call her anything she wanted._

"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel jumped and turned his eyes to General Hammond, who looked expectantly at him. "I'm sorry, sir, I must have… I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

Hammond sighed and nodded. "I asked if you knew what Amonet might have wanted with Dr. Rains."

"General," Daniel said, very close to rudely, "why would I know? I just… I just saw them take her." His eyes flew immediately to Jack. "I couldn't stop it." Jack dropped his gaze to the table.

"Son," Hammond said, "I know this must be difficult for you, but we have to at least try to figure out why she took Dr. Rains. From the reports you're all giving me, it sounds like it was their intention to remove one of you and make a break for it. Whether or not Dr. Rains was the target or just the first member of SG-1 they could reach is unknown. If you have any insights into this, I'd sure like to hear them."

Daniel felt like screaming, felt like throwing the files in front of him into the faces across the table. He sighed heavily and opened his mouth to speak, but no words came and he closed it again. He rubbed his left temple and shook his head gently. "I don't know any more about Amonet than any one else at this table. I don't know or care why she took Allie; I just want to know what we plan to do about it."

"It could be retaliation for taking her child," Sam said. She winced as she saw her words strike home with Daniel. As the person who had actually removed the baby from Amonet's care, Daniel would assume it was his fault Allie was in danger. It never mattered how right what he did was or how necessary; he would always feel responsible for some tragedy.

All eyes focused on Daniel and he shrugged, defeated. "I don't know," he sighed, "it very well could be. It could be anything. _What_ are we going to _do_ about it?" His voice shook a little with barely contained rage, but he managed not to yell.

"Dr. Jackson, I'm afraid we have no choice other than to do what the Goa'uld says and wait to return in three days. We don't know enough about the situation to attempt a rescue even if we could find a way onto her ship, even if it is still in orbit. We'll have to work out a plan that, unfortunately, will involve playing by he rules, at least to some degree."

Daniel nodded and stood. The general had not dismissed them, but he didn't really care, and Hammond must not have either because he gave the sign for everyone else to disband just before Daniel reached the staircase out of the briefing room. He walked slowly to his office and closed the door when he got there. The last thing he wanted was company.

_The last thing he'd wanted was company. They had just gotten back from Abydos after depositing Sha're's child—her _child!_—with her father for safe keeping. A year without his wife had passed, and it had been difficult, but somehow seeing her pregnant with Apophis' child made it even more real. When he returned home, he ignored the call for a debriefing and went to his base quarters where he promptly threw up. So, yeah, the last thing he wanted was company, but that didn't stop _her_. Allie knocked politely on his door until he let her in, and instead of trying to rationalize his feelings or fill him with false hope or do anything that would have only made him feel worse, she wrapped her thin arms around his waist and wouldn't let go. He had, at first, asked something along the lines of, "Allie, what the hell are you doing?" because he was very upset and hadn't he said he didn't want company? She didn't let go; in fact, she squeezed him tighter, and before he knew what he was doing, his hands pressed into her back and he let out the first of several sobs into her soft red hair._

He smiled and absently felt the spot on his chest where her head always rested when she gave him hugs. It was something they did routinely, now. Daniel learned early on that he couldn't deny her anything she wanted, even at the expense of his desire to brood alone. If he had something to be upset about, she was there to hold him, and he made sure he was always available to return the favor. Sometimes they both needed to be held, and sometimes they just needed to spend time with someone who knew what it was like to be in their situation. They were two civilians in the most top-secret military base on the planet. SG-1 was fantastic, but sometimes it was difficult not to belong to the military hierarchy, though neither of them knew why. His fingers left the empty space on his chest and he held his head in his hands. Even Sha're's disappearance hadn't been this hard because she was taken by the enemy. Allie was taken by his now possessed wife whom he hoped to one day win back, but when something like this happened it made it harder to want, and that made him feel guilty. He realized he wanted Allie back more than he wanted Sha're, and that _really_ made him feel guilty. He bent over and rested his head on his desk, shuddering a little. He'd never felt more alone

_It was a little tense. His feelings for Allie were growing beyond friendship and a normal appreciation for her physical beauty, and Daniel knew it. He suspected Allie knew it, too, but she would never say as much or hint at it. He didn't want to disrespect what he had—or _had_ had, pluperfect tense—with Sha're, but the time without her was getting longer and the separation was somehow… easier? That sounded bad. It wasn't easy, just less hard. Jack and Sam and Teal'c were there, and Allie was there. And Allie fit so well into his life, into his arms. What the hell was he supposed to do?_

"Danny boy, you okay?" Jack's knuckles rapped sharply on the doorframe.

"That door was locked, Jack," Daniel said, not bothering to look up.

"Yeah, one of the perks of being second in command is pretty much unlimited access to the base, so… yeah."

"Please leave me alone."

"There was nothing you could do." Daniel sat up and glared at Jack, but the colonel stepped further into the office. "Look, I'm sorry I held you back, but I couldn't let you risk yourself for—"

"Oh, don't feed me that bullshit, Jack," Daniel said quietly. He had meant to yell it, but the energy it required was too much. "We risk ourselves every day for people we don't even know; what's wrong with risking ourselves for the ones we do?"

Jack sighed and looked down. His left hand rested on the back of his neck and he idly scratched at the hairs there. "I don't have any answers, Daniel. I'm sorry this happened. We're gonna get her back."

Daniel nodded. "Okay, Jack," he said. He turned back to his desk and pretended to work on something, but Jack didn't leave. Instead of continuing the charade, Daniel chose to stand and grab his jacket and a book.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to my quarters, Jack. I have two and a half days to waste until we're allowed to try to rescue our teammate."

* * *

"Did you talk to Daniel, sir?"

Jack shrugged and slumped into a chair across from Sam's desk. "I tried, Carter, but… well, you know how Daniel gets."

"Blaming himself?"

"And me a little," Jack sighed. He held up a hand to stop Sam from interjecting. "I'm not sure he's wrong. Maybe I should have let him go."

Sam shook her head and crossed her arms. "Let him go what? Get himself captured or worse?" Her blue eyes darkened at the thought, but she went on, "Sir, I wanted to run and help her, too, but we both know that's not an option in a situation like that. Of course you stopped him, and he'll realize that soon enough. He's just—"

"Hurting," Jack said. He gazed at his hands where they rested on his lap and thought them ineffective. He'd used them earlier that day to shoot guns and hold back his best friend, but he couldn't use them to save Allie. "Just like old times, I guess." Sam only looked down at her desk.

* * *

_"Daniel," she had said, "what do you think will happen to us?" At the time, he hadn't known what to say. They were in a dark cell on some alien planet that thought them hostile. She'd been shot in the stomach with an arrow and the wound was still bleeding; he was terrified. "I don't know," he'd said. She didn't want false hope, and he knew it. Instead, he held her between his legs with her back against his chest so he could continuously apply pressure to the injury. She seemed content with his answer, but her body shivered against pain and blood loss, and he knew she was in serious danger. He'd pressed her closer to his own warmth and kissed her hair while quietly repeating, "I'm sorry I let this happen" over and over, and he didn't stop until they'd been rescued._

"I'm sorry I let this happen," Daniel said. He stared at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror and tried to remember the texture of her hair against his lips. It was gone, and he was too tired to conjure it. His eyes dropped to the sink because he couldn't stand to look at himself anymore. Everything about the situation was wrong. _Everything._


	2. Part 2

_Two and a half days later._

"When are we going?" Daniel asked. He paced back and forth across the briefing room, hands twisting together in front of his stomach. "Can we go now?"

"Sit down, son," Hammond said, indicating the chair to his left. "We need to talk about our plan for rescue or attack."

Sam looked momentarily confused, but she shook it from her face. "Sir, how can we plan either without knowing what they did, are doing, or will do to Allie?"

"We planned for both."

"Colonel O'Neill is correct, Major," Hammond said. "We planned for every contingency. We've got a kit set up so you can screen her for any naqueda bombs before you bring her back through the gate. We'll send two extra SG teams in case of heavy fire, and of course we'll send medical supplies to cover any possible injuries to Dr. Rains."

Daniel stopped pacing. "_Any?_"

"Anything, ah, foreseeable, Dr. Jackson," the general said. He stared kindly at Daniel and sighed a little. "The Tok'ra are standing by in the event that an extraction is necessary."

"Right," Daniel replied, pacing again.

"General, this is obviously going to be a trap," Jack said. "Are two teams going to be enough?"

"I'm afraid that's all I've been authorized to send, Colonel."

"Are you kidding me?" Daniel had stopped pacing when the general spoke. His eyes blazed.

"The President feels that—"

"Save it," Daniel said. "I'm sure I can figure the rest out on my own." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. He was exhausted; no meaningful sleep had come to him in the past two days, and his anxiety was growing exponentially as the hour of Amonet's promised return approached. "When are we going, General?"

"You can go as soon as all teams are ready." Hammond barely kept himself from upbraiding the young doctor, but he knew it would only make things worse. They could have a talk about protocol later; right now what mattered was getting Dr. Rains back. "Dismissed," he said, calmly glaring at Daniel, whose blue eyes reflected the stare. They would definitely have a talk later.

* * *

_He had come close to telling her once, close to acting on his feelings. He knew she knew what he was thinking from the tentative way she didn't stand close to him in his office while they talked about the coming mission. It wasn't unusual for them to stand hip to hip and look at reports together, but that day she strayed to the other side of his counter and smiled calmly. She knew what he was thinking, and she knew it was too soon. It had to be that. It wouldn't have been enough to stop him if Jack hadn't burst in yelling about them being late again. "Is it time to go?" Daniel had asked irritably. Jack glared even more irritably and pointed down the hallway. "Now!" he'd shouted, and they'd quickly readied their gear and headed for the gateroom, Allie relieved and Daniel annoyed._

For the first time in the history of SG-1, Daniel was the first person ready to depart the SGC. He resumed his pacing in the gateroom while he waited for the rest of his own team and for the other personnel who were to join them on their rescue mission. He repeatedly checked his gear, making sure his zat was in its place, that he had ammunition for his handgun, that he had a first aid kit of his own, that there was enough water. He stared at the gate as if somehow it would activate and let him through, but it was an hour after they'd been dismissed before the first chevron locked into place.

"All right, people," called Jack. He stood on the ramp facing the crowd of SG troops. "What we've got ourselves here is an almost definite trap, so be alert. Be on the lookout for Dr. Rains, and do not fire on her in the unfortunate event that she has been taken as a host. I repeat, _do not fire_. You all know your assignments. Keep in close contact, and be safe out there." He saluted, and everyone followed suit except Daniel, who shook with anxiety. Sam laid a hand on his forearm, and that helped. Then, they were off.

* * *

_"What would you do if we found Sha're?" she had asked. Her face was passive, but Daniel knew it was a loaded question. "I, well, I guess I hadn't thought about it," was his lame reply. He stared at her for a while, but there was no slip in her calm exterior. She might have been thinking about the weather and not the proverbial one hundred million pound Jaffa in the room. He knew better. "Allie," he'd said, "I'm kind of starting to believe that I won't ever see her again." She shook her head and, for the first time, he thought she looked sad. "No, don't say that. You'll never stop believing in her. None of us will. It's okay," she said. How could he tell her it wasn't? How could he tell himself? How could he tell Sha're? She hadn't said anything else, just smiled and walked away before he could reach out for her._

The gas giant that loomed over P7X-979 took up most of the sky as Jack led his teams down the stone stairs away from the gate. They immediately fanned out along the ruins with incredible precision. Even Daniel was careful not to rush into action. The area around the gate seemed completely deserted, but Jack knew that meant the area just beyond the gate was probably crawling with Jaffa who were waiting for them to advance to a point where retreat through the gate was impossible once they were surrounded. His keen eyes scanned the tree line and the hills beyond for any sign of Amonet, but there was nothing out of order. It looked perfectly calm and peaceful. He looked at Carter and Teal'c. "So," he said, "trap?"

Sam nodded. "Oh, yeah, sir," she said, P90 trained on the horizon. "It's definitely a trap."

Jack sighed and gave the signal for everyone to move into step two of the mission. "Yeahsureyoubetcha," he whispered. One SG team remained with the gate while the rest fanned out along the grasslands as they approached the first hill. They wove through the scattered rocks and shrubs until they reached the top; what they found at the bottom of the other side was far beyond their expectations. Jack had expected to find an empty clearing ripe for a trap, but instead he saw a large blue and gold striped pavilion tent with only two Jaffa outside. "Well, this is different," he said to Teal'c.

"It is indeed," he replied.

"She's got to be in there, Jack," Daniel said, frantically.

"It's possible," Jack said, but he kept his eyes trained on the surrounding tree lines and ridges. Something felt off about, well, everything. He clicked his radio to life and brought it to his lips, "All right, campers," he said, "Maintain full alert status and wait for my order to go. SG-7, stay at the gate. SG-12, position yourselves along this ridge and keep your eyes open for more Jaffa. Medical personnel, um, stay out of the way but be alert." He waited for affirmations from the other commanders and gave another glance at the tent. 'This is definitely trouble,' he thought, but he stowed his radio and looked at Teal'c, Sam, and Daniel.

"Jack, we have to go," Daniel pleaded.

"And we will," Jack said, "but not before SG-12 is in position." He lifted a hand to quiet Daniel as the younger man opened his mouth. "Dammit, Daniel, I _know_!" He sighed. "We'll go," he said, "but not before we check things out." He turned to Sam to coordinate their descent, but he very quickly wished he hadn't because Daniel took off down the hill at a run.

Teal'c noticed first. He grabbed Jack's shoulder and yelled, "Daniel Jackson!"

Jack turned and saw the already unfolding horror of Daniel running alone down the hill and previously unseen Jaffa appearing from behind trees. "Son of a _bitch!_ Daniel!" he screamed. Staff weapon fire mixed almost immediately with the sound of guns as SG-12 fired from their defensive positions. Jack briefly felt glad they'd had time to reach those positions as he threw himself down the hill after Daniel.

For his part, Daniel had no time to time to think of anything except the tent in front of him and the two Jaffa who barred the door. He absently thought that he might have made a mistake, but he didn't care. Allie had been captured _three days_ ago. He wasn't going to make her wait anymore. His haste did him little service; still over three hundred feet from the bottom of the slope and further from the tent, he tripped and slid to the ground, but his momentum was such that he couldn't stop. He kept rolling even as his hands dug into the ground. When he reached the bottom, it was no small effort to stand. His fatigues were torn and dirty, but everything seemed in tact, so he walked briskly toward the tent until something so shocking that it couldn't be ignored stopped his gait.

The battle at the top of the ridge seemed to be headed for victory against the Jaffa, but it was getting closer to the stargate and cutting the medical teams off from SG-1, who trailed Daniel down the hill, but at a slightly slower pace because they occasionally had to return fire. None of them saw what Daniel witnessed.

The two Jaffa guarding the tent each pulled one side of the entry flaps open and stepped aside. Amonet stepped through the doorway, tugging a thin golden rope behind her. When he saw what the rope attached to, he almost threw up. Allie stumbled to the ground next to Amonet as she was tugged through the doorway and brought to kneel next to her captor. The two Jaffa took positions on either side of Amonet, and to Daniel's astonishment, they seemed not to be armed with staff weapons. The one on the side where Allie kneeled bent and removed the collar from around her neck, but the momentary relief this brought her was overshadowed by pain as he roughly grabbed her by the hair and held on tight. Daniel wished that were the worst of it.

"Oh, god," he gasped painfully. She looked, for the most part, unharmed except for a few bruises and scrapes, and she had obviously been tortured by the hand device. More disturbing than her injuries were her nakedness and the brutality and humiliation of her position. Aside from stripping her completely, they had bound her arms tightly against her waist with several coils of rope. Her arms came together over her stomach and looked uncomfortably tied at the wrists where a single length of rope dropped between her legs and attached to the knots along her spine. Daniel couldn't think of a much more degrading position to be put in. He might have been able to deal with it if her eyes had not been so haunted.

"Greetings, Daniel Jackson," Amonet said with a horrible smile. It might have been beautiful on Sha're, but the Goa'uld inside her made it ugly. "I am glad you have returned."

"Let her go," he said simply.

Amonet smiled wider as she looked down at Allie and stroked her pale jaw. The lack of resistance on Allie's part disturbed Daniel more than did the image of his possessed wife. "She is beautiful, yes?"

Daniel narrowed his eyes and idly ran his finger along the sidearm at his hip. "Let her go," he repeated.

"I will not," the Goa'uld said, and this time she slapped Allie hard enough that it elicited a sharp cry. "But I will give you a gift."

"What?"

"I have grown tired of this host," Amonet said, running a hand down the side of Sha're's body and frowning before returning her gaze to Daniel. "You desire its return to you, do you not?" She indicated Allie and continued, "This trade is sufficient."

_"What?"_

Amonet lifted Allie's chin and stroked the tears that fell along her cheek. She seemed to forget Daniel for a moment, and the sight of her ministrations brought bile up in his throat. "Have you not longed for the return of this host? Even when you stole the child given to me by my Lord Apophis, you desired her return," Amonet said, fixing him with a fierce glare.

"Yes, but, you can't, I mean…" Daniel stammered, completely unsure of what to say. Of course he wanted Sha're back, but not like this. Could it even happen? Was she _really_ suggesting that he allow her to take over Allie in return for Sha're's freedom? 'Of course she is,' he thought. 'She's a Goa'uld.' He shook his head and lifted the gun from his side. "Step away from her," he said. "Your offer is denied; I don't deal in lives!"

The Jaffa immediately jumped to step in front of their goddess, but she stopped them, laughing. "You will not fire," she said. "You will not risk damage to this body. Lower your weapon or I will kill this one," she said, indicating Allie.

Daniel stared at Allie, and for the first time she looked into his eyes. He shuddered and allowed a sob to choke free from his throat. "It's gonna be okay, Allie," he cried, still holding his gun.

She shook her head as much as she could with the Jaffa's hand entwined in her hair. He pulled hard against her scalp and twisted until she screamed, then slumped forward a little. She stared back up at Daniel, tears in her perfect eyes. She seemed completely overtaken by sobs. "Daniel," she cried, or tried to. Her voice was raw, like she'd been screaming for days. "It's," she choked, "I'll understand if—"

_"No!"_ he screamed. "It is _not_ okay!" He took a few steps forward and pointed the gun more precisely at Amonet's head. "Let her go, or I swear I'll blow your goddamn head off."

It was a phrase Jack never thought he'd hear Daniel speak, but so much about the scene in front of him was unbelievable that he didn't even notice the strangeness of those words coming from Daniel's mouth. He was too distracted by the horror of seeing one of his teammates brutalized, or by the way Daniel held his gun perfectly as he trained it on the body of his wife, or by the fact that Daniel seemed so enmeshed in the psychological horror of the situation before him that he didn't notice the blood running down the very hand that held the gun.

Amonet laughed. She instructed the Jaffa holding Allie to lower her further and hold her still. Allie seemed to understand what was happening because her screams increased in frequency and volume. She frantically fought against the ropes and the Jaffa who held her, but the only result was an increase in violence against her. "You will not fire, Daniel Jackson. If you do, then your beloved Sha're will die."

Something like a whimper left Daniel's throat, but his gun remained steady. His tearful eyes flicked from Amonet to Allie and back several times before he finally said, "Sha're died a long time ago when you possessed her."

"Something of the host _does_ survive," Amonet said, but she said it with _Sha're's_ voice. Her eyes met Daniel's again, and she smiled for a brief moment before returning her attention to her goal. Her smile turned wicked as she bent, leering down at Allie. "You've wanted to believe it for so long," she said, once more a Goa'uld, "Believe it now, Daniel Jackson."

"I can't take that chance," Daniel choked, and he fired. He shot Amonet through the throat, and then fired at the Jaffa holding Allie. He absently noticed that someone else had neutralized the other Jaffa, but his main priority was Allie. He dropped his gun and ran straight for her. She was bent over on her knees with the Jaffa's hand still tangled in her hair. He quickly removed it and helped her sit up. "It's okay," he whispered, but he knew it wasn't. Even as he tried hard not to stare at her very naked body, he could see Sha're's blood in her hair and, worse, some of her own blood running down her arms from deep scrapes caused by struggling against her bonds. He pulled his utility knife out of his belt and immediately began cutting at the ropes; in a few minutes, she was free. Ignoring her nudity and the blood, he scooped her close against his chest and pressed his hands into her back. His overworked sense of worry noticed how easily he could feel her ribs, and even though he knew she was probably fine, he imagined she had been starved as well as beaten, and she was already so small. He let his fingers slide gingerly over each small bump and felt a small sob escape his throat into her hair.

"Sir?" Sam said, stepping forward, but Jack stopped her.

"Wait," he said. "Let's, uh, give them a minute."

Daniel shrugged off his vest and removed his BDU jacket so he could wrap it around Allie's shoulders. He leaned her back against his left shoulder and cradled her in his arms as he lifted her off the ground, careful to keep her covered. She'd already been humiliated enough. He turned and walked toward the rest of SG-1.

"Let's go," he said.

"Daniel, what about…" Sam trailed off. "What about Sha're?"

"Sha're is dead," he said calmly, but not without tears. He began his ascent up the hill, still holding Allie in his arms and refusing help from Teal'c. His mind flew in a thousand different directions as he slowly climbed the hill. Sha're was dead. He had killed her. _'Oh, god,'_ he thought, eyes still filled with tears. He squeezed Allie closer to his chest and vaguely noticed that she had gone limp. Behind him he heard Jack checking in with the other SG teams, and he felt Sam's hand gently rest on his back as they walked. The gesture comforted him, but it could not block out the horror of what had just happened. "Thank you," he whispered.

Sam's arm lowered and wrapped gently around his waist. She gave his side a little squeeze and looked over at him. "Anything you need, Daniel," she said. Her eyes traveled over his face, stoic and concentrated, and down to Allie's. She was paler than usual and badly injured. Sam shook her head against the memories of how Allie came to be in that state. "It'll be okay," she said. "She'll be okay, Daniel."

"Right," Daniel said, and he picked up his pace as they reached the top of the hill. He shifted Allie a little and continued walking toward the gate. It was everything but okay.

* * *

Upon their return to SGC, Daniel carried Allie all the way to the infirmary in an effort to avoid further exposure of her body and also to keep her close to him for as long as possible. Eventually she was taken from him and he had no choice but to submit himself for medical care.

The debriefing that followed was long and tedious, but they all got through it. Jack did most of the talking until it got to the point where Daniel had to take over. He fought through the urge to vomit as he described the events of his wife's death and Allie's rescue. "I shot her, sir," Daniel said. "I shot Amonet."

Hammond's eyebrows lifted in surprise, but his voice was soft. "I see," he said.

* * *

"There was no alternative," he said, "She was going to make Allie a Goa'uld. Sha're wouldn't have wanted…" Daniel's eyes snapped shut and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "She wouldn't have wanted me to let someone else die so she could live. If Amonet thought I'd accept her, um, _gift_, then there couldn't have been anything left of Sha're."

"I'm… sorry to hear that, Dr. Jackson."

Daniel nodded and stared at his empty water glass. "So am I."

Allie slept for two days after their return. At first, it worried Daniel because it seemed as though she would never wake up, but Dr. Frasier promised it was nothing more than much needed rest. He didn't like to think about why she needed so much more sleep than normal. The bruises on her face had faded slightly, but her arms and waist still bore red marks of irritation from the ropes. When she finally woke up, the first noise she made was a wince and then a sharp intake of breath. Daniel jumped forward in his chair and lifted a hand to brush errant strands of hair out of her face. "Hey, you," he said, smiling. "Welcome back." A soft moan escaped Allie's lips as she blinked rapidly and tried to wiggle into a more comfortable position. She whimpered gently as she tried to sit up. "Woah, woah, woah," Daniel whispered. He slipped a hand under her back and helped pull her into a sitting position against her pillows. "Be careful," he said, moving to sit next to her on the bed and rubbing her cheek with his hand. "Please be careful."

"Daniel?"

"I'm here." He leaned in to kiss her cheek and hugged her gently.

"Sha're?"

Daniels breath caught in his throat; he rubbed her back and sighed into her hair. "Gone," he said.

"Gone? Daniel—"

"Shh, don't worry about that."

Her small hands came up to rest on his chest and push him back gently. She stared at him for a few minutes before finally remembering what had happened with some clarity. "Oh, Daniel, I'm _so_ sorry." she whispered. Tears streamed down her face.

"No no no, calm down, Allie, calm down," Daniel sighed and looked at her. "I don't want to hear you apologize for any of this, not ever." He pushed the tears away from her cheeks and held her face. "You didn't… nothing you could have done…" He sighed and stared at his lap for a few moments before finally finding the words he needed and looking back into her eyes. "Allie, listen to me," he said, "You are so innocent, innocent of _everything_." He wondered if she would know what he meant, know that he was talking about his own feelings for her. "You couldn't have done anything different. I'm sorry this happened to you."

"But Sha're! Oh my god, Daniel, I can't believe it!"

"Shh, stop it, stop," he cried gently. He leaned forward and hugged her tightly again. "I'm sorry it had to end the way it did," he said finally. "I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. It was the only way it could happen, though, and I have to believe that she would have preferred death to the torment of a Goa'uld."

"You could have let her take me," Allie whispered, clutching at his shirt over his chest.

Daniel chuckled a little. "You're wrong," he said, "and you know it." She didn't respond. He ran one hand slowly up and down her spine and cradled the back of her head with the other.

"Daniel?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for saving me," she said quietly. She tugged a little on his shirt as she tried to sit up straighter. "And for, well, protecting me when I was, you know… naked."

He kissed her cheek again and smiled at her. "Any time." His smile widened as her small arms finally encircled his waist. "Allie?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Don't be coy," he said shyly. "How did you know that I, uh, that I love you?"

"Oh," Allie said. He could feel her heart beat faster through her spine and her small fingers tremble gently over his back. "I don't know, Daniel. How did you know?"

Daniel nuzzled at her hair and sighed lightly. "I stopped hurting as much," he said plainly.


End file.
